All right I need to get some things off my chest. I'm doing this on devaintart beause to be honest, I'm scared what would happen if he really know how I feel. So I'm doing this to just vent so i'm not worring about spelling and stuff like that so yah.
I love him. He breakes my heart. He never returns my calls. When he comes over well never mined about that. When I tell him I miss him he says it back but it sounds hollow and without feeling. He told me today that i'm to clingy and that he need freedom " I mean I'm in collage and you are, well, 15. I need to be free." It maed my heart braek into peaces. he maed me promise I wouldn't be mad, but how could I ever be mad if anything I just wanted to cry. There was a time when he was over every day, he wouldn't even call to tell me he was coming he would just show up, now I'm lucky to see him on weekends he is usally with is guy freinds and I feel like I have to beg to see him. He never ever calls me anymore just to say 'I love you' or just to talk. Now the only time he calls is to tell me bad news. If I call him I know he wont call me back. If I call and he is busy he always says 'I'll talk to you later baby.' or 'i'll call you tonight.' he never does not in so long I can't even rember the last time. I have always thought that I AM NOTHING SPECIAL. I have always thought I WAS PUT HERE TO BE A TOOL FOR OTHERS. I'm very submisive I will do what ever you need me to do just so I can see you smile. But when he said that to me today I realized. who do I think I am? I could never deserv him. Do I think i'm intled to somthing. I should have never forced my slef on him. So I swore to never ask him to do something for me ever agin. I would never call him agin ether unless he calls me first. I don't want to be a burten to him. I just want him to love me as long as it is posible untell he throws me aside to be with prettier, smarter, better girl then me. I will never hate him. He is to i don't know. I'm just so sad to think I have upset him him in any way. I just wish I was good enoff to be with him. I feel so empty. I'm horrified of him leaving me. I have always tried to me the ideal girlfreind. I never complain no matter what happens. Even if it hurts me horribly. I will always believe what you say to me even if I see the evidence that it is right in front me. I will blindly believe you. Even right now when more then anything I want to call you and tell you i'm sad and scared I stop my self from calling you so you wont be annoyed with me. So I cry alone even if you are the only person i need. But if you did by some mirical you did call would I have the ablity to tell you how I feel. I hate complaining becuase what if you thought I was winny. I am just so scared please don't leave! Tell me you love be agin! PLEASE!